Motherhood Diary

Pain and Pleasure of Being a Mother
How to Help Your Child Handle a Friendship Breakup

How to Help Your Child Handle a Friendship Breakup

Man and woman cannot live a solitary life. That’s why they make friends, and learn the art of making friends from the early time of their life, or to be precise, since their childhood. Like the adults, children too, suffer friendship breakup. So, as a parent you have to learn how to help your child handle a friendship breakup. When you learn the techniques to help your child handle a friendship breakup, you can channelize your child’s emotional response in a proper way.

Know your child’s friends

The best way to know what kinds of friends are in your child’s circle is to invite them over lunch or dinner. If you have good relationship with your child’s friends, your child will feel comfortable talking to you about his/her friends. If there is a problem, you will be in a position to help your child and strength your bond. To understand and help your child handle a friendship breakup better, you have to learn about his/her friends.

Realize your limitations

No matter how hard you try, you cannot fight all your child’s battles. At the same time, the child will need to stand upon on his/her own feet and take responsibilities for the actions. You may stand by his/her side and help your child handle a friendship breakup, but it is the child who has to win the battle. The best way to do this is to talk to your child and make him/her aware about the realities of the world. A child tends to talk more openly when he/she considers parents as friends. You have to build a strong foundation of principles, values, trust and friendship with your child.

Try to look into your child’s online activities

Recently, parents in my neighborhood accidentally accessed their daughter’s facebook account. The 13-years-old girl had forgotten to sign out. They were surprised to find their daughter, otherwise plaint and submissive, showing hatred to her parents, teachers and bothers.

Parents’ initial reaction to their daughter’s aggressive behavior was a disaster. They scolded her, they threatened her. When the daughter stopped talking, only then the parents understood the problem was getting bigger. Then they took her to the psychiatrist.

Rule No. 1: Don’t be harsh with your children, even though they are rude.

Rule No. 2: Try re-conciliatory approach.

Rule No. 3: Get into the root of the problem.

Don’t speak words that have adult ring

Children are a disparate group. A 4-years-old child will not understand what the 12-years-old kid will normally understand. So it is wrong to categorize the children. However, most of the parents treat them all alike. The problem with parents is they have certain expectations from children, they want their child to act like responsible adult. Most of them do not know that interest, skill, knowledge, and the level of children’s understanding differ according to their age.

To help your child handle a friendship breakup, you must have the ability to judge the age group. A child who is suffering from friendship breakup is not willing to listen to you or if he/she listens, he/she will not understand you. If they are crying, sit next to them, hug them and let them cry. Once they spill their pain by crying to their heart’s content, they will be ready to confide how they feel about the friendship breakup and all the feelings associated with this situation.

Compare your child’s situations with the people suffering more

When you compare your child with someone in a worse position, he/she often experiences negative emotions such as agitation, anxiety and irritation. If you make your child aware about the true stories, he/she will get involved in the stories and identify with the person in the story. These negative emotions are in fact an expression of empathy. It is good for your child to be empathetic because his/her own problem now becomes insignificant. Once a child believes how insignificant his/her problem is he/she will be able to handle a friendship breakup.

Tell them all they need to know about friendship

Friendship is a transitory feeling and it loses its strength in the course of time. Make your child realize if someone walks away, another person, perhaps even better, will arrive. Tell your child to welcome new friends and if he/she is good, good friends will come in his/her life.

You have to share your relevant experiences with your child, which he or she can relate to. Tell about the friend once you had in your life, who is no more with you, but you were blessed with another wonderful friend.

Share your experiences

Your experiences will always be life’s lesson for your child. Share your stories and point of view and tell your child every time you left school, went to college, switched on jobs, moved in the new neighborhood, you left old friends and made new ones. You got married, moved to new places and went on making friends.

At first they may not understand your words, or relate to everything what you said. The child will take time to realize the truths of life. You have to constantly blend life’s lesson with real life stories and situations your child is in. Even folk tales, myths and legends will make a child understand his/her situations.

Teach your children open-mindedness

To become an able person, one must be open-minded, make your child aware that open-mindedness helps significantly in life. Don’t just tell your child to forget that friend but rather help him/her forget by taking him/her to family vacations. Help your child forget the complicated situations by taking out, and introducing with the children of your friends. Accompany your child to the places where he/she will find peers. When you spot children of your child’s age in Children Park, museums and zoos, encourage him/her to go and talk to them and strike a new friendship. When your child starts to make new friends, he/she will obviously forget the old ones, especially those who broke his/her heart.

Points to Remember

  1. It is true that no one can solve all of the problems a child faces in his/her life. However, if you take interest in your child’s daily activities, you may have an idea on how to assist him/her.
  2. Don’t ignore minor problems, they can be become a great problem later.
  3. A child is too young to handle his/her sufferings. When the pain of a child is not properly channelized, the troubled childhood will create a psychologically weak person.
  4. It is wrong to expect your child to understand you and impose your ideas.
  5. True stories of bravery and courage will help your child overcome the pain of friendship breakup. When you share such stories, it will help them understand things like this can happen in everyone’s life.
  6. As a parent, you must always be a supporter and always willing to help your child to make new friends.
  7. When you are with your children, you have to become children to understand their young minds. You have to take interest in their games and play games with them.
  8. Help your child to welcome new friends, and mold him/her to become a welcoming person, ready to accept challenges in life.

If you want to solve your children’s problems remember these tips. You must always ready to learn the way to help your child. A child cannot overcome pain and handle friendship breakup by himself/herself. Parents must always be ready to help their child show way in their life. The minds of children are so tender that they are easily carried away by the desire for revenge. A child cannot differentiate rights and wrongs. As a parent, you need to channelize your child’s anger and properly handle his/her emotions. You have to have a re-conciliatory approach. You must inculcate your child with ethics, morality and righteousness.

5 comments found

  1. This article reminded me of my childhood days. When I was a preteen, I once got separated with my best friend. We were moving to another place and I didn’t want to abandon my friend. I cried for 3 days

  2. The article mentions some really good points that are worth applying in real life. Parents should always take interest in what’s happening in their kids life.

  3. Good suggestion, this is something that sometimes we think that our children can handle it soon in time, but of course, there’s must be us to be a part of helping our children.

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